How Bad is the Economy?

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ' Sponsor an American Child' commercials.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

I ordered a burger at McDonald 's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

My ATM gave me an IOU.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the ?-ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn' t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great... The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.