You know what's funny?

[[SS]Snakebite]

K, I tried a few of those lines.... they didn't work. I want my money back.

[Tagger]

This may well be a repost. But, I don't feel like surfing 117 pages of the forum to find out.

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

NICKNAMES

* If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

* If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .

EATING OUT

* When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

* When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

* A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

* A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

* A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

* The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

* A woman has the last word in any argument.

* Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

* A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

* A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

* A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

* A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

* A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

* Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

* Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

* Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

* A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house..

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

[[SS]Chief]

Love this!! This is why my neighbor looks at me strange...

Jokes.com
Nick Swardson - Online Gaming
comedians.comedycentral.com
Nick Swardson Nick Swardson's Pretend Time Buy tickets to the New York Comedy Festival

[[SS]Wally]

LINK



MIAMI – Dwarf-Tossing Season got off to a BIG start in bars across Miami.

Florida is the first state in the union to sanction the unique sport of dwarf tossing. It’s a sport and an art that involves two athletes – one of whom is a dwarf.

Some of top dwarf tossers in the world have descended, once again, on Florida for the annual Snow White Cup.

Most states outlawed the sport in 1989, when national controversy over dwarf tossing prompted state legislatures to ban it in bars for safety reasons.



Florida authorities have deemed it to be a safe sport now – and it is heavily regulated. “We try to keep dwarf injuries to a minimum,” said Dwarf Tossing Association president, Tom Hillstrom.

“Football is far more dangerous than dwarf tossing,” said Hillstrom. “DT is an entertaining and competitive sport that features highly skilled athletes.”

The Little People of America have filed a few lawsuits, but Florida officials dismiss them. “The Little People have a tiny case,” said Florida attorney general, Pam Biondi. “I think the judge will toss out the case – and a few dwarfs.”



There are 50 top dwarf tossers in the world and they have all gathered in Miami for the season opener. Chris Blanton of Kansas City, MO is the reigning dwarf tossing champion. He once tossed a dwarf fifty-seven yards in nightclub in Melbourne, Australia.

Blanton has worked with top dwarf, Jimmy Cobbs of Newark, New Jersey for the last five years. “They are a dynamite team,” said Hillstrom. “Cobbs is a maniac and Blanton tosses the hell out of him.”

Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey is thinking of allowing Dwarf Tossing in his state.

Let’s the dwarf tossing begin!!

[[SS]Midnight]

LOL. Tagger, Chief, and Wally all good stuff. I laughed at them all.

This one however really hit a sweet spot with me as I as recently as last week went from no garage to 3 car garage.

Originally Posted by Tagger

The garage is all yours.

I just look at all that space....so many activities I can do now!

[[SS]Snakebite]

[[SS]Midnight]

LOL "Who turned out the lights?"

[DatGuy]

[[SS]Chief]

Is that the CORE mode?

[[SS]CJ]

I'm almost POSITIVE this has been posted before cause it's so damn funny. If it hasn't, this video is classic and HILARIOUS.

[[SS]Snakebite]

Ouch, I think I can hold it....

[[SS]Snakebite]

[[SS]Midnight]

LOL. I thought it was going to be up there cause of the other clip from a few months back.





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[[SS]Snakebite]