[SS]Midnight
11-07-2009, 10:13 AM
From here: http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/10/20/at-least-theyre-not-on-the-internet/#more-1183
Good Morning Friend!
I know we just recently started working together, but I feel we have a real connection and that you are trustworthy. It was destiny that brought us to the same Burger Joint, are you willing to ignore destiny? If you do not wish to be a part of a great undertaking, DELETE this email NOW and do not read further; once these simple words are read your mind will be blown and forever changed. I have a feeling you can handle it, but it wouldn’t be fair to you if I didn’t give you the choice…
Note from the Fairness Editor: we too feel we must give you the choice. Can you handle it?
I have been thinking for years about this and feel that now is the time for action. Have you ever noticed that as time goes by, Zombie movies have become more and more realistic? There are also various Zombie games, both the movies and these games never have a shortage of new Zombie ideas or concepts. This is but an idicator of what is really going on. The truth of the matter is, there are real, live Zombies walking among us, this is why Zombie movies seem more and more plausible these days. How would we have such an expansive knowledge of these beings unless they truly existed? For some unknown reason, (perhaps the government has something to do with this) the public has been fooled, but I am aware of the truth…
Note from the Crazy Identification Editor: being “aware of the truth” is a 88.5% indicator of crazy.
I have suspected this since the early 80’s, but have kept quiet in fear of stumbling over some type of conspiracy and then “disappearing.” The reason I choose to speak up now is because things are progressing behind closed doors. I believe, and have a considerable amount of proof, that some of these Zombies are in power positions…
If you look into the eyes of a Zombie, there is nothing beyond a black, meaningless hole. I don’t know why I was blessed with the ability to tell the difference, but I will use it well. There are other ways to tell, just look at all the illogical decisions “people” make these days. It appears that people are getting more stupid as time progresses. These aren’t stupid people, they are smart Zombies…
I know this is a startling concept, and I wish I was wrong, but sadly I am correct. I have given up my wife, house, and career so that I can sniff out these bastards and defend the public’s honor- and now I am asking you to join me in this hunt…
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Why would he give all this information out over an email?”
Note from the What I’m Thinking Editor: that’s not what I was thinking.
I have a few reasons for this. The first is that I have a feeling a few people at work may be a part of the undead army,
Note from the Workplace Issues Editor: this is not crazy at all. It is generally true.
naturally they can’t know that we know. The second is these Zombies, while smart, still take a while to grasp new concepts, so I’m sure they aren’t on the internet yet. We’re safe for now.
Note from the Zombie Editor: O RLY?
I should mention, I don’t have a plan quite yet, that is why I am looking for a partner to help with this situation. I trust that you have the decency to help a man in need, so you could come to my house on Saturday (around 8?) and I will fill you in on the rest. We have files to review.
Sincerely,
Bob.
:fantasy-mummy-33::zombie-302::fantasy-mummy-33::fantasy-mummy-33::zombie-302::zombie-302::zombie-302::fantasy-mummy-33::fantasy-mummy-33:
Ok now the comments for this email.
#
eggomania says:
October 20, 2009 at 08:55
Something tells me Bob’s a man with a hell of a lot of files.
Reply
*
A Much Better Daniel says:
October 26, 2009 at 17:00
…fighting things from Hell with a lot of flies.
Reply
#
Headless says:
October 20, 2009 at 08:58
And what did KB’s bf decide to do…? Did he go…? Was Bob, in fact, a zombie masquerading as a zombie-hunter?
Reply
#
Dan says:
October 20, 2009 at 09:05
wtf? this guy sounds like he’s from a church thats completly messed up.
Reply
*
SpurvNiklas says:
October 20, 2009 at 10:07
Not in Tahiti!
Reply
*
crazybabe says:
October 20, 2009 at 11:11
Really , dan? What churches have you been to?
Reply
o
Dany says:
October 20, 2009 at 12:34
He must have been to some really messed up churches…
Reply
+
Dan says:
October 20, 2009 at 13:30
@ dany and crazybabe
sorry but when only the first e-mail is displayed on the front page it sounds like some kind of jehovah’s witness, and it wasn’t untill after i had posted my previous comment that i saw the rest of it. but yeah that would be a really messed up church, to watch the the preacher stand up and say that some of the congragation are zombies and that he’s onto them.
@ SpurvNiklas
churches accuse the congragation of being zombies?
Reply
#
Chelsea says:
October 21, 2009 at 13:49
Dan, I am a Jehovah’s Witness. And I can say with all certainty than neither I nor anyone I know would EVER say that.
Reply
*
Dan says:
October 22, 2009 at 17:33
i apologise, i shouldn’t be talking in steriotypes
Reply
*
Ranger Joe says:
October 23, 2009 at 11:33
I answer the door naked when your people knock at 8:30am on a Saturday. They never come inside…
Reply
o
Grinfish says:
October 24, 2009 at 07:22
Perhaps you need to try a new lubricant with one of those “tingly” properties.
Reply
#
SpuevNiklas says:
October 23, 2009 at 19:35
Not exactly, but they will give a dead man a Catholic burial and still not be surprised if he walks again as an undead in the next morning.
Reply
o
TheMansonFamily says:
October 23, 2009 at 16:28
dang… sensitive much? like there arent messed up churches out there? so ur instantly offended bcz u attend a “normal” church… spooky!
Reply
+
Smyrno says:
October 24, 2009 at 20:04
Uh, I don’t think there’s too many churches out there that preach against zombies. Are you a bit sensitive that someone would defend a church?
Reply
#
Zom - er - David says:
October 26, 2009 at 13:56
I want to go to a zombie church. Where can I find one please?
Reply
*
jeremy says:
October 20, 2009 at 11:44
Sounds like a typical christian to me. Everyone is a Zombie, Harry Potter is evil, dinosaurs don’t exist, ect…
Reply
o
anna says:
October 22, 2009 at 16:11
what the heck, jeremy? christianity is nothing like that! I think YOU are he one who belives that everyone is a zombie, harry potter is evil, and dinosaurs do not exist!!!!! also, you are a stupid person…
Reply
+
cello says:
October 23, 2009 at 22:18
no anna, you are the stupid for believing in supernatural beings
Reply
#
Smyrno says:
October 24, 2009 at 20:07
No, you are ‘the stupid’ for saying something as stupid as ‘you are the stupid’
Reply
*
That Guy says:
October 26, 2009 at 12:00
My mamma always says…
Reply
+
dukeWOLF says:
October 31, 2009 at 08:33
Um, please don’t be too offended, but dinosaurs don’t exist. They’re extinct.
Reply
#
Dianasaur says:
November 2, 2009 at 17:45
WHAT?!?!?!! NOOOOOoooooo……!
Good Morning Friend!
I know we just recently started working together, but I feel we have a real connection and that you are trustworthy. It was destiny that brought us to the same Burger Joint, are you willing to ignore destiny? If you do not wish to be a part of a great undertaking, DELETE this email NOW and do not read further; once these simple words are read your mind will be blown and forever changed. I have a feeling you can handle it, but it wouldn’t be fair to you if I didn’t give you the choice…
Note from the Fairness Editor: we too feel we must give you the choice. Can you handle it?
I have been thinking for years about this and feel that now is the time for action. Have you ever noticed that as time goes by, Zombie movies have become more and more realistic? There are also various Zombie games, both the movies and these games never have a shortage of new Zombie ideas or concepts. This is but an idicator of what is really going on. The truth of the matter is, there are real, live Zombies walking among us, this is why Zombie movies seem more and more plausible these days. How would we have such an expansive knowledge of these beings unless they truly existed? For some unknown reason, (perhaps the government has something to do with this) the public has been fooled, but I am aware of the truth…
Note from the Crazy Identification Editor: being “aware of the truth” is a 88.5% indicator of crazy.
I have suspected this since the early 80’s, but have kept quiet in fear of stumbling over some type of conspiracy and then “disappearing.” The reason I choose to speak up now is because things are progressing behind closed doors. I believe, and have a considerable amount of proof, that some of these Zombies are in power positions…
If you look into the eyes of a Zombie, there is nothing beyond a black, meaningless hole. I don’t know why I was blessed with the ability to tell the difference, but I will use it well. There are other ways to tell, just look at all the illogical decisions “people” make these days. It appears that people are getting more stupid as time progresses. These aren’t stupid people, they are smart Zombies…
I know this is a startling concept, and I wish I was wrong, but sadly I am correct. I have given up my wife, house, and career so that I can sniff out these bastards and defend the public’s honor- and now I am asking you to join me in this hunt…
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Why would he give all this information out over an email?”
Note from the What I’m Thinking Editor: that’s not what I was thinking.
I have a few reasons for this. The first is that I have a feeling a few people at work may be a part of the undead army,
Note from the Workplace Issues Editor: this is not crazy at all. It is generally true.
naturally they can’t know that we know. The second is these Zombies, while smart, still take a while to grasp new concepts, so I’m sure they aren’t on the internet yet. We’re safe for now.
Note from the Zombie Editor: O RLY?
I should mention, I don’t have a plan quite yet, that is why I am looking for a partner to help with this situation. I trust that you have the decency to help a man in need, so you could come to my house on Saturday (around 8?) and I will fill you in on the rest. We have files to review.
Sincerely,
Bob.
:fantasy-mummy-33::zombie-302::fantasy-mummy-33::fantasy-mummy-33::zombie-302::zombie-302::zombie-302::fantasy-mummy-33::fantasy-mummy-33:
Ok now the comments for this email.
#
eggomania says:
October 20, 2009 at 08:55
Something tells me Bob’s a man with a hell of a lot of files.
Reply
*
A Much Better Daniel says:
October 26, 2009 at 17:00
…fighting things from Hell with a lot of flies.
Reply
#
Headless says:
October 20, 2009 at 08:58
And what did KB’s bf decide to do…? Did he go…? Was Bob, in fact, a zombie masquerading as a zombie-hunter?
Reply
#
Dan says:
October 20, 2009 at 09:05
wtf? this guy sounds like he’s from a church thats completly messed up.
Reply
*
SpurvNiklas says:
October 20, 2009 at 10:07
Not in Tahiti!
Reply
*
crazybabe says:
October 20, 2009 at 11:11
Really , dan? What churches have you been to?
Reply
o
Dany says:
October 20, 2009 at 12:34
He must have been to some really messed up churches…
Reply
+
Dan says:
October 20, 2009 at 13:30
@ dany and crazybabe
sorry but when only the first e-mail is displayed on the front page it sounds like some kind of jehovah’s witness, and it wasn’t untill after i had posted my previous comment that i saw the rest of it. but yeah that would be a really messed up church, to watch the the preacher stand up and say that some of the congragation are zombies and that he’s onto them.
@ SpurvNiklas
churches accuse the congragation of being zombies?
Reply
#
Chelsea says:
October 21, 2009 at 13:49
Dan, I am a Jehovah’s Witness. And I can say with all certainty than neither I nor anyone I know would EVER say that.
Reply
*
Dan says:
October 22, 2009 at 17:33
i apologise, i shouldn’t be talking in steriotypes
Reply
*
Ranger Joe says:
October 23, 2009 at 11:33
I answer the door naked when your people knock at 8:30am on a Saturday. They never come inside…
Reply
o
Grinfish says:
October 24, 2009 at 07:22
Perhaps you need to try a new lubricant with one of those “tingly” properties.
Reply
#
SpuevNiklas says:
October 23, 2009 at 19:35
Not exactly, but they will give a dead man a Catholic burial and still not be surprised if he walks again as an undead in the next morning.
Reply
o
TheMansonFamily says:
October 23, 2009 at 16:28
dang… sensitive much? like there arent messed up churches out there? so ur instantly offended bcz u attend a “normal” church… spooky!
Reply
+
Smyrno says:
October 24, 2009 at 20:04
Uh, I don’t think there’s too many churches out there that preach against zombies. Are you a bit sensitive that someone would defend a church?
Reply
#
Zom - er - David says:
October 26, 2009 at 13:56
I want to go to a zombie church. Where can I find one please?
Reply
*
jeremy says:
October 20, 2009 at 11:44
Sounds like a typical christian to me. Everyone is a Zombie, Harry Potter is evil, dinosaurs don’t exist, ect…
Reply
o
anna says:
October 22, 2009 at 16:11
what the heck, jeremy? christianity is nothing like that! I think YOU are he one who belives that everyone is a zombie, harry potter is evil, and dinosaurs do not exist!!!!! also, you are a stupid person…
Reply
+
cello says:
October 23, 2009 at 22:18
no anna, you are the stupid for believing in supernatural beings
Reply
#
Smyrno says:
October 24, 2009 at 20:07
No, you are ‘the stupid’ for saying something as stupid as ‘you are the stupid’
Reply
*
That Guy says:
October 26, 2009 at 12:00
My mamma always says…
Reply
+
dukeWOLF says:
October 31, 2009 at 08:33
Um, please don’t be too offended, but dinosaurs don’t exist. They’re extinct.
Reply
#
Dianasaur says:
November 2, 2009 at 17:45
WHAT?!?!?!! NOOOOOoooooo……!